Monday, April 9, 2012
I'm really burnt out. Have been devastated because I've spent the last ounce of money on helping mom. I have been living on student's fees which are due next two months for food! I don't even dare buy anything other than food and photostating. How can someone be so pathetic... I feel so stressed because i've never felt this pitiful before!
The next thing i'm going to do is withdrawing my epf account 2 on the reason of eduction, but in truth, to give it to mom without having to return it! And i hated myself for hating mom like that. She wanted me to take a loan from the bank, but interest seems too high. Then i turned to york, and i feel shitty for even opening my mouth...
And yes, i feel disgusted for myself, and blames myself for lack of funds. But then again, ive subsidized my family for almost 1 year expenses with 1k per month... What heppened to all that? When can this mess get sorted out? When can mom starts to actually think wisely? When can my brother actually go find a fucking job? When can i stop funding everything other than myself?
Yes. I am selfish. I am loveless. Ungrateful. But what on earth should i feel when i need to feed on student's fees????
It fell on me greatly. Tmrw i'll be heading to kwsp. Hopefully the money is well-spent on. I wish i had said no and ignore eveeything that happened. But i cant!!! I cant!!
i hated my mom for wanting non stop. I hated my brother for being a failure!! I hated my father for not even trying to help!! And mostly i hated myself.
